....Sorry...

Sorry....

That horrible attitude you saw wasn't me.
I didn't mean what I said.
I am not a mean horrible person.
That was my defense against you.
My horrible first impression.  
I didn't want to give you the chance to hurt me.
I thought I wouldn't care.

When you looked at me like I was a monster I felt something. I knew I had made a huge mistake. I watched you walk away. All I wanted to do was call your name. I felt like crying, and I almost did.

I know how important first impressions are, and I ruin all of them.
You are the only one I regret though.
I am sorry for myself.
If I understood my messed up self more I might have really been myself.
You saw the side of me that was mean.
The side I wish you never saw.

I should have given you a chance.
I shouldn't be this way.
I wish I understood why I am this way.

I am sorry.
I thought I should push you away before you hurt me.
I didn't know pushing you away would hurt me the most.